Monday

Monday morning

Optimism

It’s been a few days. Seems after an intensely motivational weekend things pick up speed! I really feel good about the changes in my outlook and am optimistic.

After so many years of struggling with guilt, grief, fear, depression, loss, isolation, I am happy to feel like there is a sunny day to come.

Hi

Geoff, my brother, I’m so happy you are who you are! I’m thinking of you. Jacynth, I hope to see you guys soon love you lots. Calgary seems like a well organized city, love the Trains!
The speaker Doug Nelson, was so inspiring, and I thought of you Geoff, as he had to regain his health after a major trauma and being in a coma, like you.

Continued:

To continue, I don’t think my friend really knew what he was getting into. And I thought he might be a little more sensitive, but Xmas morning came and he seemed to be expecting me to go home as soon as I woke up. Oh well, that’s my life. Sometimes it’s as cold and grey in my heart as the weather outside. I have to tell myself the sun will shine again. Time seems meaningless when it comes to missing people.

Why I’m here.

I work in a hospital. No I’m not a nurse. I work in housekeeping. It’s not a glorified job. For me it’s significant.
It’s hard, it’s where I last saw my husband, my brother and my brothers son.
I kind of work with them in mind, after my brother died, I did the cleaning in his room. I wanted to. Life just seems to be about cleaning up sometimes.

I wanted to spend Xmas day alone after my older brother Michael died, so I could just think about him, my husband Robin, my nephew Eric and my grandparents and people who arent here anymore. That was a bit hard. I had a friend rescue me(kind of) Xmas eve. He didnt know my plan, just phoned to see how I was and invited me over. We stayed up all night drinking. That helped.(!)